September 2005, I've walked away from the pit.
After A levels, I dedicated myself to full-time training (5 sessions/week) during the long break before University started. It's hard to find a good coach who's willing to coach me for free. Even as I was in the national junior squat, there isn't any assigned coach to guide us. The first major setback was when my coach at that time told me she couldn't help me anymore due to other commitments. The last competition before release, I proved myself by doing a personal best of 5.62m which got me into the Sea Games pre-selected squat. After that was a downslope as I struggled to get a new coach. Training plans were disrupted and often, I was left to train on my own. Results from each competition got worst and I was demoralized. Also, the internal struggle with SAA got complicated. They lack support but demands results. Finally at Singapore Open 2005, I failed to meet the Sea Games cut off for long jump and that was it.
I don't know whether I did it in a fit of anger or because I was utterly demoralized due to the lack of improvement. My track friends had moved on and I was alone. People couldn't understand my delication for it. Now, I often question myself the reason for giving up. Could I not withstand defeat?
I really wish to compete again but I don't know whether the dedication and strength is still there. One thing for sure, the passion hasn't died.